Tying Up Loose Ends

Spoiler: this post is going to start out being about knitting, but never fear, non-crafty types... it's a metaphor! Or a simile? Actually, it's more of an example, but the point is, the post is not just about knitting.

 

About four weeks ago now, I finished a shawl. That is to say, I finished the knitting of the shawl. For most projects, after you finish the knitting, you have to do the finishing: weaving in yarn ends and blocking. This is especially true of anything that includes lace, which my shawl does.

For some reason though, even though I was totally excited to wear the shawl and take pictures of it in finished form, I let it sit as a pile of rumpled up yarn for weeks. This means that not only could I not wear it or photograph it, but it was a thing in the way of other projects on my work table. I want to say that what was holding me up was the actual act of weaving in the yarn ends and soaking the project in water and spreading it on a towel to dry (which is basically all that blocking is). But weaving in yarn ends is basically the same thing as embroidery, and I do that for fun. And soaking and pinning is the magical part where you actually see the thing you made. So it's more than that.


What's so bad about pinning the yarn to the ugly towel?

Besides, I have an aversion to finishing in all areas of life, not just knitting. I did taxes three weeks ago, but I waited a week and a half to submit the federal form and I still haven't filed in Vermont. There is no good reason for this. The Vermont form is complete, and I have no intention of looking it over any more. I've even entered the amount of the check in the checkbook. I just haven't written the check, or put it in the envelope, or addressed the envelope. I just haven't finished.

Part of this is my natural inclination towards procrastination. After years of traditional "ignore the thing that needs to be done" style procrastination, I have reached a point in my life where I can force myself to start a thing. The procrastination doesn't take hold until about halfway through, and in the moment it feels less like I am putting something off and more like my brain gets so bored with the thing I'm doing that I have to go do another thing. I have been known to stop washing dishes with, like, two cups and a knife left to clean, while I go check my email. That, my friends, is ridiculous.

Really, though, I think it's something deeper than simple procrastination, and closer to a fear of finality. Like I said, finishing a shawl isn't actually that bad and I had already done the hard part of the taxes. But once the shawl is blocked, it's done. If I don't like it, there is no saying "Maybe it will be better once I do the next step." Once the taxes are in the mail, there is no remembering one little thing that I should have added. Once I click "Publish" on this post, which I started over a week ago, it's up on the Internet for anyone to judge. And while the consequences for finishing and not liking something are pretty low, why face them today? Tomorrow will probably be fine.

There is one more possibility, of course. It's one that I considered just now, as I looked in my tea cup and realized that it was not as empty as I thought (by which I mean that I had an inch of tea left). I could just be kind of flaky. I do spend a significant portion of my life trying to figure out where my keys are, and at least once I have done so while the keys were in my hand.

Whatever the reasons, I did finally manage to finish the shawl, which is wrapped around my shoulders as I type. (Remind me to take a picture of it being held on with the lovely shawl pin the Husband made.) And in just a second, I am going to take the plunge and click "Publish". The taxes though? I'm not too worried. There are still 22 days until April 15.